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Why stepping outside your comfort zone is the only way to grow

By nature, we’re creatures of habit. Whether we realize it or not, we’re obsessed with what we’re used to — what’s familiar; what we understand. Anything else seems offputting and far from attractive by all means.

It’s why we’re “shocked” when introduced to a new culture, why we order the same thing at the same restaurant when we go out and why we find ourselves navigating to people who look like us.

However, what if I told you that stepping outside your comfort zone is the only way to grow?

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For starters, simply having the mind state to grow and embodying that ambition is an indication of maturity and self-awareness that, in itself, the majority do not have.

That’s because it is a process that a lot of us have no idea where to begin — the concept of changing who you fundamentally are is one that is not introduced enough.

Either we’ve grown tired of having change forced down our throat due to the trouble we’ve gotten ourselves into or we were never encouraged to because of how “stand-up” we think we are or told we’ve been.

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The big pill to swallow however is that whether you’re living recklessly or you’re a model citizen, there will be a point in life where you’ll be forced to change and adapt — otherwise, you’ll just remain who you are and plateau.

The goal is to see change as good and as the key to what’s next.

You’re not done yet

Personally, I know one of the hardest parts about evolving is the fear of abandoning the individual you’re both comfortable with and proud of.

Maybe you were once an addict, or possibly you were confrontational in the past and have now mellowed out now; you could have adopted a new spirituality that you’re dedicated to.

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Either way, the moment we think we’ve arrived or even think there’s a finish line for our personal development is the moment we’ve lost ourselves all over again.

No matter what we’ve overcome, there are always going to be new lessons to learn, challenges to conquer, and more character to develop. In fact, that’s the issue with a lot of adults: they’ve become callous to change.

If we allow ourselves, we can get so caught up in who we are, how much we did right, and how far we’ve come, that we become blind to the rut we’re in and incapable of smelling the rubber of our tires that are effortlessly spinning in place.

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When we keep in mind that we’re forever a work-in-progress, we’ll be more open to change and aware of the habits that are no longer applicable to our lives.


Habits

Systems are comfortable when they work for us and some grooves feel much too good to snap out of sometimes.

It’s why so many of us are tied to lifestyles we should have long outgrown and why others of us refuse to progress to new ways of life — along with feeling like we don’t need to, we straight up don’t want to.

However, in every stage of our lives, there will be ways we must abandon habits that must be left behind. It’s the only way to take on new opportunities.

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As a child, Christmas meant magic, gifts, and good behavior. As an adult, Christmas means catching up with family and friends.

When you were first starting school, free time was spent at recess, swinging on swings and climbing monkey bars. When you’re finishing school as an adult, free time is spent working a second job or studying for an exam.

The issue is being able to see these habits as dead weight. Habits that, for the longest, may have sustained us, can become consequential when our lives change. It’s up to us to have enough self-awareness to know where we want to go and if our lifestyle matches up with that direction or not.

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Especially if we claim to want different for ourselves, if we do not stop observing our tendencies, pinpoint the ones that aren’t conducive to success, then develop new ones, all we’re doing is complaining.

We grow through change. So, any cry for growth is inevitably a call for transformation. The sooner we understand this the more accepting we will be.


Those who don’t change

We’re all witnesses of what happens to the people that refuse to change — they stop growing.

When was the last time you encountered someone that hasn’t adapted, changed, or progressed as an individual in some time? Sometimes you don’t even have to know them personally to tell whether or not they’ve accepted the change their own life requires from them.

Usually, those types of people live a life of conflict or a life that’s plateaued, and you can probably attest to someone who’s like that through experience.

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The know-it-alls who know nothing, the old-heads who complain about new trends, or the guy who keeps landing in trouble for the same reasons — they’re all individuals who aren’t growing.

We should not only be open to change but looking for it. Why? Because change means growth and newness and evolution. Change means taking it to the next level, and change is inevitable.

You shouldn’t be the same person you were last year. Like a sports team seeking a championship, there should be modifications done every year to help yourself get closer to whatever your end prize is.

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You cannot bring back the same players every year and expect the same result. That is, of course, unless you’re content with where you currently are.

The battle within: Why we should conquer ourselves before conquering the world

What if I told you the only thing holding you back from where you wanted to be in life was your lack of self-control? I’m talking about in every aspect of life you can ponder educational aspirations, athletics, romantic endeavors, etc.

Well, that’s the case with the majority of us in our personal pursuits. We haven’t won the battle against ourselves. How then can we expect to conquer anything else?

These days if you listen to hip-hop you’ll constantly hear rappers talk about their demons and how they gotta shake them or dodge them or not succumb to them in some shape or fashion.

If you listen to rap as much as I do it can almost seem laughable that so many of them are “going through it” but honestly, though they may be exaggerating the concept, we all have demons and we all are on some level “going through it.”

For some, it may be an addiction while for others it could be laziness. Whatever the Achilles heel may be, it’s up to us to recognize it, address it and improve from it. Only then can we reach our full potential.

Discipline of self

We’re our own worst enemy. We shoot ourselves in the foot far more than anyone else yet we give ourselves the most leeway.

All of us are very capable, talented individuals with amazing visions. Yet some have not even scratched the surface of accomplishing their goals because they can’t get up early enough for the job or they can’t shut out the world for a couple of weeks to study.

The last thing you want to be is a prisoner to yourself. You want to be able to do everything you say you’re going to do without the pushback from your own will.

I don’t think people take the easy route because it’s easy. I think people take the easy route because they haven’t mastered themselves enough to endure the hardship of what’s best for them.

Good sleeping habits, eating well, being active, meditating, and other good self-care habits all require dedication. Unfortunately, we don’t naturally want to adopt those practices.

In order to be what we’ve always seen ourselves as we must be better for ourselves.


Discipline around others

Whatever happened to the kid that was spoiled rotten? The child who always got his way, who does she grow up to be? You know, the ones whose parents let them get away with anything.

Every day when we run across the prude who cuts us off in traffic or the co-worker that dishes attitude because of what they’re going through —  that’s them. Until we are able to reign over our emotions and actions we’ll always be short-tempered around others, warranted or not.

If we were to act on every human impulse, the world would be in shambles. Marriages would never work, politics would be far worse than what they are now and no one would be able to live with one another.

That’s why we learn patience, moderation, and forgiveness.

Someone else shouldn’t have to suffer because of what’s not going right in your life. Toddlers who don’t get their way have temper tantrums and when that behavior isn’t curtailed it manifests into the grossest individuals you’ll meet.

Once we understand the first and most important battlefield is the one within and we give it the attention we give everything else, the more prepared for our dreams we’ll be.

What is digital minimalism? A look into a new practice we should all adopt

Say Friday rolls around and it so happens to be a big release date in music.

Rick Ross drops; Burna Boy drops; whoever you like drops. We’re talking about multiple projects all from people you rock with, all on the same day. What do you do?

It’s not like back in the day when you had to physically go to a brick-and-mortar store and make a purchase. There’s no unwrapping or secondary device needed — all you need is your phone. Upon first finding out about the album to the lead single and the music videos, all you ever need is your cellular device.

That’s because everything we do is on our phones. Music is just one example, but the digital revolution has brought everything from entertainment to finances and security to the palm of our hands.

Yet, not enough of us take the time to process the effect it’s having on us.

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Ever notice how life tends to get a bit messier the more technology advances? And I’m not talking about getting caught up on Snapchat and sliding in the DM’s messy, I’m talking about schedules packed with emails, Slack messages, meetings and catchups, social media notifications, and the 24-hour news cycle. No matter what, it feels like we never have time to do anything meaningful.

Technology never stops; so, when trying to pace it, we end up not stopping either.

The problem is that there is too much value in technology to abstain from it completely. If we’re going to surrender all old habits and double down on these technological advances, we have to adopt a practice to balance our indulgence. And that practice is digital minimalism.

Overconsumption

In order to do our best work and live a purposeful life, we have to be intentional with how we spend our time.

For whatever reason, when it comes to partying and recreational time we understand moderation, but somehow the concept is missed when it comes to screen time.

If you’re anything like most people you spend five-plus hours a day on your computer, use 56-plus apps and websites a day and switch between them more than 300 times, and if we tried, we can cut these numbers in half.


Minimalism

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When it comes to digital media, most of us let anything in assuming the best stuff will stick, when really we should be filtering from the jump. It’s why we feel perplexed and stressed out over our phones yet unable to put them down.

When we incorporate aspects of minimalism into our lives, however, we can not only decipher what we need and don’t need, but we can shape the reality we live in and see every day.

Minimalism has become a buzzword in the past decade as “more is better” culture has made the idea of living with less more attractive. Minimalists may spend less money and own fewer things but they’re also more intentional about shaping their lives around things that matter to them.

This is what we can do with our digital diet: instead of blindly consuming any and everything, we can intentionally select what we take in.  It helps us get the most out of the good parts of technology while protecting ourselves from the bad.

Being a digital minimalist is about being hyper-aware of your relationship with technology and recognizing that although there are positives, it takes a concentrated effort to solely reap those rewards.


Implementation

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So the question now is how, right? When it comes to minimizing your digital appetite it’s hard, but there are three methods you can use to help and the first is alone time.

The purpose of social media is to connect. Connect about what’s going on in the news, connect with the newest movie out, connect with someone across the globe. But physical and mental solitude is important for thinking clearly, which you can achieve when you demand alone time for yourself, not clicking the like button is another method we can use in practicing digital minimalism.

Instead of using them in ways to show off or that give us the endorphin boost we crave, we limit the use to staying in touch. Instead of strolling and clicking like all day and posting things in hopes to get likes back, communicate to who you need to communicate with and get off.

Another way to practice digital minimalism is by redefining leisure. Instead of the escapism that involves a screen, we should try to find things to do outside or that involve pages or anything other than a screen. Rediscovering non-digital activities will help us in our transition more than ever.

Once you’ve made the choice that we’re only going to consume the technology that connects to your values you’ll be surprised how much better you feel and how much other people need it as well.

7 affordable and free therapy options for thin pockets

With mental health finally at the forefront of society and people recognizing its complexities, is there such thing as affordable or even free therapy?

From rappers and Hollywood’s elite to media personalities and athletes, more and more people are becoming comfortable admitting their struggles with mental health.

It’s become so popular, in fact, skeptics call it the latest trend and just a fad for hypebeasts. You can find memes of girls accompanied by tragic monologues about low self-esteem with thousands of “likes” on Tumblr.

Social media influencers are selling merch with self-affirming statements like “you matter” and even popular radio host Charlamagne Tha God even wrote a book called Shook Ones: Anxiety Playing Trick on Me.

Disingenuous or not, mental health issues have risen significantly over the last decade as millennials are experiencing higher levels of anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide than generations past and there are many reasons why starting with digital media.

According to a national survey released earlier this year, there’s been a sharp increase in the number of young adults and adolescents who reported experiencing negative psychological symptoms — specifically in those born in 1995 or later, known as iGen.

The research found the greatest spike in symptoms occurred in 2011, around the same time social media burst onto the scene. We’ve also come to a place where it’s simply not taboo to talk about your feelings anymore.

Still, the issue isn’t admitting to struggling with mental health anymore, it’s finding help.

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Health insurance is already expensive as it is but finding coverage for a therapist is a whole new level of difficulty. Most providers don’t take insurance and claim that they accept out-of-network benefits. In the end, it leaves you paying the cost upfront with hopes of reimbursement.

Not an ideal situation for many people who can’t afford over $150 per therapy session. This is exactly why we’ve listed 10 options for affordable or free therapy options that are much cheaper than going face-to-face.

There are many different types of mental health treatment and countless practitioners who provide therapy. Depending on the plan you choose and how many sessions you sign up for, you can find something that not only fits your budget but your time.

Everyone deserves an equal chance at mental health options.

1. 7 CUPS

The nod is yet another look for the 23-year old up and coming actor who turned heads in Moonlight, challenged viewers in Native Son and is currently playing RZA in Hulu’s new the series, Wu-Tang: An American Saga

Born in Inglewood, California, it’s not every day you see actors start their careers off with the strength Sanders has shown. Beyond his clear acting ability, he also has a knack for landing roles that are the center of conversations and pushing culture and society forward.

So how did Sanders, in such a short time, manage to position himself in line to be Hollywood’s next biggest star? The answer is to that two-folded: support and because he believed he could.

 

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A significant reason Ashton, as a young, Black man from Inglewood was able to successfully pursue a career in acting was because of the support he received from his immediate family.

While most kids his age and that looked like him were probably playing basketball, around the age of 13 Ashton was placed in the Amazing Grace Conservatory in Central Los Angeles where he learned acting, singing and dance. Ashton penned in a personal expose for the Spring/Summer 2019 issue of Another Man:

“My father was very supportive of whatever I wanted to do creatively though. He was a fashion designer, he would go around sketching all the time, he was definitely an artist, full circle. That support was a big force getting me to where I’m at right now.”

He would later go on and finished the theatre program at DePaul University in Chicago. That training prepared Sanders to be ready when opportunities arose, which is exactly why he was so successful with Moonlight.

 

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The other part of how Sanders has, in such a short career, has been able to get the roles he has is because he only does what he loves.

“I’ll never sign on to anything I don’t feel is right. Each choice I make has something to say, that’s what I’m trying to build. It’s not just artistic fulfillment, but doing something right socially, and politically, through my work.”

It’s the reason his roles resonate, why he builds the relationship he does and he gets roles others wishes. Even in the Hule series, he didn’t even have to audition for the role. Sanders told Essence earlier this month:

“There was no audition at all… RZA and [co-creator] Alex Tse already had their mind made up that they wanted me to portray him. At first it was kind of overwhelming but, obviously, it’s an honor.”

When you think of the gravity of the story, the people tapped to play the roles and the eye behind the camera, Jesus Was My Homeboy already has the feeling of one of those films that will make a generational impact. Which is precisely on-brand for Ashton Sanders.

J. Cole is retiring from features: Here are 10 of his best guest appearances

News of J. Cole retiring came by way of Twitter when he announced that he’d no longer be lending out his services, formally dubbing the features biz.

Once notorious for “going platinum” without needing ’em, this past year and a half Cole clearly wanted to show he knows how to play with friends. In a two year span, Cole released more features than he has in his entire career.

When speaking to XXL for their spring 2019 issue, the Dreamville frontman touched on his decision to ramp it up as opposed to his usual introverted ways.

“Last year, I set an intention to say yes way more than I say no. Say yes to features. Step outside of my comfort zone. And it’s still going. I’m trying to level up this year on the features. Last year was like a preview.

The rapper continued:

“I don’t want to be done with rap years from now and look back like, Damn, I didn’t even work with nobody. I don’t want to have no regrets. The year that I’m going to have is all coming from a place of when this shit is all said and done, I want to know that I left no stone unturned. I fucking did everything I wanted to do. Even shit I didn’t want to do but ended up being glad that I did it in the end.”

That year ended last week for Cole. In the announcement, he offered what he called his “last feature,” which happened to be a remix of the classic song ” Diamonds.”

“This is the last feature you’ll hear from me. Thank you to everybody I got to work with during this run,” he wrote.

And it was a helluva run. Fayetteville’s finest left no stone unturned, popping up on every artists’ project you can imagine and washing them on the regular.

From the up and comers like J.I.D. who think they got it to the living legends like Royce’ da 5’9 who’ve proven they have, Cole, showed up and showed out, putting on a run that was one for the books.

Although rappers and the word retire have historically been like oil and water, (CC: Nicki Minaj) a look on which features he shined brightest is appropriate in the event he does keep his word. Here they are:

10. J.I.D — “Off Deez” feat. J.  Cole (DiCaprio 2, 2018)


9. Ari Lennox — “Shea Butter Baby” feat. J.  Cole ( Shea Butter Baby, 2018)


8. 6LACK — “Pretty Little Fears” feat. J.  Cole (East Atlanta Love Letter, 2018)


7. Young Thug — “The London” feat. J.  Cole & Travis Scott (So Much Fun, 2019)


6. 21 Savage — “a lot” ft. J.  Cole (i am > i was, 2018)


5. Dreamville — “Under the Sun” feat. DaBaby, J. Cole (Revenge of the Dreamers III, 2019)


4. Jay Rock — “OSOM” feat. J.  Cole (Redemption, 2018)


3. Royce da 5’9″ — “Boblo Boat” feat. J.  Cole (Book of Ryan, 2018)


2. Bas — “Tribe” feat. J.  Cole ( Milky Way, 2018)


1. Wale — “My Boy (Freestyle)” ft. J.  Cole (Free Lunch, 2018)

Who is Greta Thunberg? The 16-year-old leading the conversation on climate change

She’s organized the largest environmental protests in history, a Noble Peace Prize nominee, spoken in front of both U.S. Congress and the United Nations and already has Fox News issuing her apologies.

Oh, and she’s only 16.

Hailing from Sweden, Greta Thunberg has fastly made a name for herself as arguably the most visible climate activist in the world. We all well know the earth is cooked, but few have responded quite the way Thunberg has.

Co-founder of the Youth Strike for Climate movement, Greta has been able to pioneer climate strikes across the world, stand-up to world leaders and global elites, and heighten environmental awareness in the youth in less than two years.

What started off as a solo protest outside Swedish Parliament back in August of 2018, Greta’s movement has grown into a full-on sponsored and heavily resourced campaign disrupting the natural order of politics. Now she’s easily the most recognizable face when it comes to climate change.

Don’t believe the hype? Ask the thousands of people overwhelming the streets of lower Manhattan chanting, “Save our planet!” as she unboarded the 60-foot-long emissions-free racing yacht she sailed across the Atlantic in what they think of her or the kinds who literally consider her an icon.

Like most things, however, Greta has not gone without critique. One being her stern and, dare I say, crass, way of addressing those whom she feels responsible for handling this crisis.

Following her latest global strike that took place this past weekend — her biggest to date with an estimated four million people who participated worldwide, including 300,000 in New York — she addressed the crowd saying she had “some very bad news” for the “people who are threatened by us,” speaking to the opposers of her government-led fossil emission rollback.

Likewise, she found herself trending and going viral on Twitter again this Monday after addressing the Summit with a sobering monologue.

“I shouldn’t be up here. I should be back at school on the other side of the ocean,” the 16-year-old from Sweden told the United Nations Climate Action Summit. “Yet you all come to us young people for hope. How dare you! You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words.”

Greta has Asperger’s, which explains the hot words and cool disposition but it doesn’t take away from her scathing words nor the people offended by them. Although tough to swallow, Greta’s message is simple: something needs to be done about climate change and it’s up to the government to do it.

Last year she told The Guardian she would stop protesting when Sweden starts cutting carbon emissions by a drastic 15% a year, and in an interview with Teen Vogue this month she expressed that the objective of the strikes is to push governments, corporations, and fellow citizens to do “what is required and what is possible.”

Except, the problem with her solutions is that it’s extremely partisan. And in this case, she sided with the party that’s currently not in the White House.

From being called a “mentally ill Swedish child” by a conservative pundit on Fox News — who later issued an apology — and Laura Ingraham’s comparison of her to Stephen King’s Children of the Corn to Donald Trump himself mocking her clearly serious disposition, tweeting that she “seems like a happy girl,” Greta has been catching the brunt of it.

Some theorize that she’s nothing more than a political chess piece being used by adults to make their arguments while others are straight-up attacking her ideas.

Completely absolving us — the inhabitants and citizens of the earth — of personal responsibility and making governments and big corporations culpable for environmental reform not only puts us at the mercy of the government, but it ignores the influence and power each of us actually has to make a change.

Yes, corporations can be doing plenty to reduce emissions, but the answer probably lies somewhere in between — work on both parties’ part.

While the internet gets their full of Greta’s haunting words at the UN and while conservatives use her disability to their PR advantage, the real issue lies in what we ultimately decide to do.

Co-opted by political strategist or singular girl with a cause, either way, the spark Greta has put on the conversation of climate change is long overdue.

Calvin Johnson smoked weed after every game: Why the NFL needs to let players toke

In case you haven’t heard, Megatron smoked weed throughout his career to helping heal from injuries. As revealed in a post-career expose with Sports Illustrated this past Friday, former Detroit Lions wide receiver great, Calvin Johnson, admitted that he smoked weed after “every game.”

Although 6’5, 237-pounds, and nick-named after a transformer, the 6-time Pro Bowler also took a beating while in the NFL. In the S.I. cover story, Calvin Johnson Doesn’t Regret a Thing, it’s revealed that Calvin suffered an ankle, foot and knee injury all in one year, including fracturing a finger to a permanent 90-degree angle.

It was the lack of support from Lions’ medical staff and disregard of his well-being that ultimately led to both he smoking weed and retiring at 30 — in his prime.

“It’s not about the welfare of the players,” Johnson tells S.I., “It’s just about having that product.”

That cut-throat business-minded mentality Calvin was speaking of was confirmed when the Lions asked he pay back his bonus when he announced his retirement.

With all that he sacrificed for the franchise? Suffering a reported nine concussions in his NFL career? One for every season? You’d think that the least the franchise could do is allow him to keep his bonus. But that wasn’t the case.

Additionally, Johnson claims the Lions pressured him to change his story about a 2012 concussion suffered against the Vikings.

“I knew I was concussed because I blacked out. I wasn’t seeing straight. And they wanted me to change my story,” Johnson said.

The true takeaway from the S.I. piece however twofold: 1) Johnson’s decision to self-medicate worked; and 2) Johnson’s decision to self-medicate was “against the rules.”

 

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For TBT one of my all time fav. sportscasters y’all know who it is R.I.P. Stuart Scott.

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If you look at players like Ricky Williams and Josh Gordon — two very special athletes who repeatedly found themselves caught in the crosshairs of the NFL substance abuse program — you’ll see players that didn’t perform badly at all.

Yet they also had careers that were altered because they sought alternatives to the pain killers and opioids that are currently claiming the lives of millions of Americans.

The active Collective Bargaining Agreement  — which was negotiated by the owners and the players in 2011 — still tests players for marijuana and disciplines them for positive tests, oftentimes to the same penalty of domestic violence and cheating offenders.

And while a 2014 amendment to testing made it so players no longer faced suspensions for marijuana until their fourth positive test (as opposed to two positive tests for other recreational drugs), players who want to smoke during the offseason or use the compound as pain derivative are left without luck.

Lately, however, thanks to marijuana’s nationwide acceptance, sweeping decriminalization and proven medical benefits, the NFL has been softening its stance.

This past May, the NFL and NFL Players’ Association agreed to study marijuana as a means for pain management and will require that every team appoint a “pain management specialist” and “behavioral health team clinician.”

The revision raised the threshold required to test positive for marijuana from 15 nanograms of THC per milliliter to 35 nanograms (in comparison, Major League Baseball uses a threshold of 50 nanograms and the World Anti-Doping Agency uses a threshold of 150 nanograms), addressing player concerns for invoking a positive test due to second-hand smoke.

While the NFL becoming the first North American sports league to stop marijuana testing may not be in the foreseeable future, the hope is that they adopt something similar to the NHL’s drug policy, which tests for marijuana, but as a means to monitor abuse, not punish. The NHL also doesn’t villainize their athletes for non-violent decisions they make off-field.

After the NFL’s agreement to consider marijuana as a pain alternative in May retired Eagles defensive lineman Chris Long came out and admitted smoking while playing as well as hinting that a good majority of the players still do today till this day.

“I’m not a dry snitch, I’m not going to put a percentage on how much the league smokes, but I certainly enjoyed my fair share on a regular basis through my career,” Long told Dan Patrick Show. Calvin Johnson’s revelation is merely a truth that hadn’t been discovered yet.

Now that 22 states have a legal avenue for patients to access medical cannabis products, the likelihood of athletes smoking is more common than ever and the leagues will have to adjust. At this point, it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

Not for nothing, Calvin Johnson highlights are that much sweeter knowing he blew one down after toasting a team for 200-plus yards.